Three Point One Four Chords

Lyrics & chords

[Intro 1]
[C][G][Am][G]
[C][G][Am][G]
[C][G][Am][G]
[C][G][Am][G]
[C][G][Am][G]
[C][G][Am][G]

[Chorus 1]
My [C]last girlfriend didn't like me
thought she might be
Most likely a dyke
she just didn't ex[G]cite me
Lefty? Yeah but that was all right
She was hotter than the sun
but she just wasn't that bright
My mis[Am]take, she was more flaky
than a leper colony
I think a wooden clothespin
would have been much better company
Ass like a [G]donkey acting funky
gave her "L" now she's a flunky
So my love for her died quicker
than a batch of Sea Monkeys
Early [C]bird gets the worm
spread your legs or spread the word
So what if I'm not the smartest
peanut in the turd
I'm [G]white which goes with everything
but I can come in any color
And I'm looking for the kind of girl
that reminds me of my mother
But it's [A]hard to find a girl with a viper
tattooed on her tushy
And how many girls do you know
that can play the harmonica
with their pussies?
Like em' [G]easy and hot and sweet
like a Rice Krispie Treat
Gee, you know what I really want in a girl?

[Chorus 2]
Me
[C]I need to fin[G]d a n[Am]ew vagina[G]
[C]Any kin[G]d of [Am]new vagina[G]
[C]It's hard to rhy[G]me a w[Am]ord like vagina[G]
[C]Calvin Klein? Kin[G]d of.[Am].. North Carolin[G]a?

[Interlude 1]
[C][G][Am][G]
[C][G][Am][G]

[Chorus 3]
[C]Women are like dog doo
hear me through don't interrupt
It's just the older that they are
the easier they get to pick up
I'd fill the [G]generation gap
clean the cobwebs from her rafters
Old hens would rather put out
than be put out to the pasture
No [Am]age just ain't a gauge
I like my girls like my cheese
Preferably for me fat-free
American singles only
I want my [G]next chick anorexic
the winner is the thinner
Won't have to take her skinny ass
out to a fancy dinner
Like [C]Sizzler she got a beef we'll chew the fat
If I forget to put the seat up
I can put up with her crap
Let her lash [G]out and crack the whip
but not in bed I don't play rough
No I can't be tied down
with a girl that wants me tied up
Just inde[A]pendent like NOFX smart
like Janeane Garofalo
She'd use big words to make fun of me
so that i would never know
Bestow up[G]on me all her wisdom
of the Dewey Decimal System
Gee, you know what I really want in a girl?

[Chorus 4]
Me
[C]I need to fin[G]d a n[Am]ew vagina[G]
[C]Any kin[G]d of [Am]new vagina[G]
[C]It's hard to rhy[G]me a w[Am]ord like vagina[G]
[C]Calvin Klein? Kin[G]d of.[Am].. South Carolin[G]a?

[Interlude 2]
[C][G][Am][G]
[C][G][Am][G]
[C][G][Am][G]
[C][G][Am][G]

[Outro 1]
[C]Vagin[G]a, vag[Am]ina[G]
[C]Vagin[G]a, vag[Am]ina[G]
[C]Vagin[G]a, vag[Am]ina[G]
[C]Vagin[G]a, vag[Am]ina[G]
[C][G][Am][G]
[C][G][Am][G]
[C][G][Am][G]
[C][Re[G]pea[Am]t an[G]d fade]